


MARRY FUCK KILL

by alliekatt314



Series: Misadventures Of Agent Allie [3]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Thor (Movies), Thor - All Media Types
Genre: BAMF Darcy Lewis, Everyone Is Poly Because Avengers, F/F, Multi, OT3, Polyamorous Character, Polyamory, Threesome - F/F/F, marry fuck kill, mfk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-04
Updated: 2015-05-04
Packaged: 2018-03-29 02:25:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3878638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alliekatt314/pseuds/alliekatt314
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Allie did my want to get murdered by Black Widow for flirting with her girlfriend. She also did not appreciate the MARRY FUCK KILL nonsense going on.</p>
            </blockquote>





	MARRY FUCK KILL

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was inspired by sevenfoxes MARRY FUCK KILL series.
> 
> This oneshot isn't connected to the other one shots in this series.

Allison Mar Tan

MARRY FUCK KILL

This fic was inspired by MARRY FUCK KILL by sevenfoxes on archive of our own.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This fucked up tale of twists and turns began with a sassy, bored, incredibly fucking hot, assistant and ended with a complicated three way relationship from heaven and hell. But hey I ain't complaining even if I was kidnapped and forced to live in Stark Tower against my will.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Sooooo Allie I've got a proposition for you" Darcy drawls leaning over my desk flashing her amazing rack.

"I-uh-yes Darcy?" I stammer and pointedly stare into her eyes.

"I'm so bored wanna play marry fuck kill Avengers addition?" Darcy asks.

"No go ask Kris" I say instantly. Anything game with Darcy means trouble.

"Awwww fine but I'll get you later" Darcy vows and flounces out if my office.

"Hate to see you go love to watch you leave!" I tease.

"You wish you could have all this" Darcy calls back.

"You're right I do!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Arms full of files and papers I wander into tech support.

"I'd fuck Thor marry Captain America and kill Ironman" I hear someone giggle.

"Can this include higher more popular SHIELD agents?" another voice laughs.

"Sure!" I hear Darcy respond and I instantly know whats going on here.

"Darcy what are you doing sweet cheeks?" I grumble peeking my head into the lounge room.

"I'm taking ballots for a female SHIELD wide game of marry fuck kill" Darcy says shrugging. "Got bored."

"Does Coulson even make you work? Or is your job sitting around and looking pretty?" I ask flirtatiously.

"Yeah but I'm a quick d looking gorgeous I do that all the time. Need help with those doll?"

"Yes please and maybe try not to distract my co workers" I say and hand over some papers to her.

"Whatever you say gorgeous" Darcy says winking. We walk into what used to be an old storage closet that I redid into my office. Hobbit, Avenger, X-Men, and quotes that make you think posters litter the walls. At SHIELD the storage closets are pretty big so it's a nice sized office. Darcy places the the papers on my desk and bounces out of the room.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Asbentmindedly I flip through the papers signing, emailing the sender, and banging my head on a desk because people that dont understand technology are stupid.

Order for advanced computer chip.....

I sign it at and put in a box to be forwarded to our actual technician, Jon. I pick up the next paper and freeze when I read it.

Ballot for MARRY FUCK KILL Avengers Addition

Marry:  
Explanation (optional):

Fuck:  
Explanation (optional):

Kill:  
Explanation (optional):

Sighing deeply I toss it aside annoyed. I have work to do.

"There's not time to mess around." Atleast that's I what say to myself. Hastily I grab the ballot and start to scribble my answers.

Marry: Tony Stark  
Explanation (optional): He's super rich and kind of sweet under that ego. He'd let me have affairs and I'd let him. But at the end of the day I'd think we'd have the best sex ever.

Fuck: Natasha Romanoff  
Explanation (optional): She is super hot and I've had a huge crush on her ever since I joined SHIELD. I'd have a long term affair with her while married to Tony Stark.

Kill: Bruce Banner  
Explanation (optional): Because everyone thinks you can't so I want to just to shut them up. Sorry Bruce if you ever see this.

Satisfied with my answers I sign my name at the bottom and put it aside to give to Darcy later.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Hey have you seen Darcy?" I ask Mary one if my coworkers.

"Yeah she's in the cafeteria" Mary says and I smile in thanks before walking out. I finished my work and I need a lunch break anyway so why not see her?

"So Darcy tomorrow I don't have work so do you want to go to that Chinese place you like?" I hear a smooth like silk voice. I freeze and peer beyond the cafeteria door to see Darcy sitting pretty with the Avengers and her hand curled into Black Widows.

"Sure Nat" Darcy says and kisses Black Widow on the nose before kissing her lips. Guilt forms in my stomach and I gulp deeply. I flirt with Darcy! Black Widows gonna kill me! On the other hand I could watch them all day they look so hot. I wonder what I'd look like smushed between th-I make a strangled choking noise cutting off my thoughts and Darcy glances over. "Sweet cheeks! Come join us." I stay frozen in the doorway and shake my head"

"N-no I'm good. I just and to give you my ballot for-" shit! I can't give her this! "Never mind I got to go" I squeak and turn around.

"Wait Allie let me at least introduce you" Darcy yells after me. Sighing deeply I turn around and step forward slowly. Darcy grabs my arm and drags me forward. "Oh and this must be your ballot" she says and snatches the paper from my hand. "Avengers this is Allie she is the sexiest girl at tech. Allie this is Thor aka Thunder God, Bruce Banner aka Hulk, Clint Barton aka Hawkeye, Tony Stark aka Ironmam, and Natasha Romanoff aka Black Widow aka my boo."

"Greetings Lady Allie!" Thor booms and grabs my hand shaking it excitedly.

"Greetings to you to" I say shaking slightly.

"Dam you're pretty maybe we could hang out sometime. I'm Tony." Tony Stark greets.

"Thanks and dinner first before you get to touch" I tease Tony laughs and hands me his card winking.

"You have bow arms. Have you ever shot a bow?" Clint asks squiring my upper arm.

"No I haven't. I don't do fieldwork" I answer.

"So you're the girl Darcy's been going on about" Natasha comments and narrows her eyes.

"Only good things I hope" I utter and fold my hands.

"The best" Darcy buts in.

"Well I should be going back to work" I excuse and turn to make a break for it.

"Oh no no you're having lunch with us" Tony stops me and pushes me down into a chair beside him.

"Oh no I don't want to interrupt" I say.

"Too bad you're staying" Bruce states. "I'd get upset if you didn't and you wouldn't like me when I'm upset." I swallow thickly and nod.

"O-okay" I stammer and let the Avengers buy me lunch.

Lunch drug by slowly. Natasha and Clint stared at me across the table and seemed to be peering into my soul. Tony and I teased each other, Thor and I discussed the majesty of poptarts, Bruce and I reminisced about the idiocy of people who don't get technology, and Darcy flirted with me shamelessly. I tried so hard not to flirt back because her girlfriend who is a killer assassin was sitting across from us!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Hello miss Smith" an eerily familiar velvet voice greets. I stiffen and slowly peer up to find Black Widow leaning in my doorway.

"Hello Miss Romanoff I assume you're here because of malfunctioning technology?" I ask hopeful that she is and not here to kill me quietly.

"No I'm not actually" she says a smirk on her lips.

"Oh."

"I'm here because Darcy spends so much time with you." I start to shake she is here to kill me. "And I wanted a turn." Well I wasn't expecting that.

"What?!" I squeak and hop to my feet.

"Get a coffee with me?" I just nod my brain numb and allow her to escort me out. She's probably gonna take me to an excluded place, kill me, then hide the body. We leave the Triskellion in a black SHIELD car and drive into the city. Natasha takes me to a local coffee shop called "Java Java."

"So we're just string a coffee?" I ask tilting my head once she parks.

"Yes what did you think we were doing?" Natasha asks a grin on her lips.

"Killing me because I flirt with your girlfriend" I admit shyly now flustered. Natasha laughs and shakes her head.

"No Darcy is just a flirty person and I trust her. That and can't say I blame her you are gorgeous" Natasha says winking slyly and steps out of the car. Shaking my head I follow in suit. Is she flirting with me too? What is this?!?

The coffee shop is modernly decorated and has the amazing smell of coffee beans.

"So what's your poison honey?"

"Hot chocolate. I don't usually drink caffeine gets me all wacked out" I explain blushing slightly.

"Alright one hot chocolate and a black coffee" Natasha orders and pays. The barista makes our drinks and hands them to us with a friendly smile. We both sit down in a booth across from each other.

"Thanks" I say and take a sip.

"Trust me it's my pleasure. Anyway tell me about yourself. Why did you join SHIELD?"

"I was recruited by Darcy. She was bored in her free time and wanted someone to mess around with. We knew each other from college so she convinced Coulson to let me on. My amazing computer skills helped as well."

"Ah I see my little Darcy always up to something" Natasha chuckles and suddenly she doesn't seem as scary as they say.

"Yeah she is."

"I'm glad she brought you in. You're a special kind of person the kind of person SHIELD needs." Then she looks down and lowers her voice just above a whisper. "Darcy and I need." I just acted like I didn't hear.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Days passed abnormally after that. Darcy kept flirting with me and Natasha kept taking me out for coffee. Flowers and chocolate started appearing on my desk every day along with little live notes either signed Darcy or Natasha sometimes both.

I just didn't understand at all. I was a little angry because it's probably some sick prank to get back at me for flirting with them. So I ignored it. I didn't dare hope it was all real.

MARRY FUCK KILL however was impossibly to ignore. More and more SHIELD women filled out and turned in ballots so much that a few guys started to join in as well. All the while Darcy is sitting pretty on the results for everyone. Lately she's been accepting bribes from the Avengers for their numbers.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Allie how's my favorite tech girl?" Tony asks barging into my office. He and the other Avengers had started becoming my friends

"Wondering why you're in my office" I say looking up from my computer.

"Because you are the only SHIELD gal that said you wouldn't kill me and I want to reward you with this Tiffany and CO. necklace" Tony cheers and places a box on my desk. I raise and eyebrow and open the box. The necklace is beautiful. Its a blue diamond necklace that compliments my skin tone.

"Tony this is too much I can't take it" I admit and push the box towards him.

"Yes you can take it and I insist" Tony persists and pushes the box back.

"I didn't do anything to deserve it" I argue.

"You became my friend which means you do deserve it. Giving things is how I show affection." The box is shoved back into my hands so I relent and accept it.

"Thank you Tony."

"No problem kiddo also might want to watch out. A couple of guys put your name on their lists. It has royally pissed off Darcy and Natasha" Tony warns.

"Okay first off what did they out me down as. Second why are they pissed off?"

"Well everything some guys want to marry you, others fuck you, and others even kill you. Doesn't matter what they put you down as they're still pissed off. To answer your second question do you not understand what's going on?"

"No I don't! I don't understand the flowers, the chocolates, the flirting, or the coffee dates! I just thought it was some prank to get back at me for flirting with the both of them" I exclaim.

"Did your even think that they both may like you?"

"I never hoped no" I mutter and look down back at my computer. "I'm just a boring 25 year old women who happens to like computers. There's nothing special about me."

"Tell that to them."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next day Nick Fury made a formal announcement.

"Would all personnel refrain from putting Allison Mar Tan on their MARRY FUCK KILL ballots. The medical and weapons staff insist up on it."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To try and hide my embarrassment after the announcement I buried my nose in a book. The Hobbit to be specific.

In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit. Not a nasty, dirty, wet hole, filled with the ends of worms and an oozy smell, nor yet a dry, bare, sandy hole with nothing in it to sit down on or to eat: it was a hobbit-hole, and that means comfort.

I slowly leave my office still reading to find the office maker. I need a hot chocolate.

It had a perfectly round door like a porthole, painted green, with a shiny yellow brass knob in the exact middle. The door opened on to a tube-shaped hall like a tunnel: a very comfortable tunnel without smoke, with panelled walls, and floors tiled and carpeted, provided with polished chairs, and lots and lots of pegs for hats and coats - the hobbit was fond of visitors.

"Miss Tan this coffee maker is broken there's one upstairs in Coulsons office though. I'm sure he'd let you use it" some one says and judges me in the direction of the stairs. I don't bother looking up to see who it is or to see where I'm going. I know how to get to Coulsons office.

The tunnel wound on and on, going fairly but not quite straight into the side of the hill - The Hill, as all the people for many miles round called it - and many little round doors opened out of it, first on one side and then on another. No going upstairs for the hobbit: bedrooms, bathrooms, cellars, pantries (lots of these), wardrobes (he had whole rooms devoted to clothes), kitchens, dining-rooms, all were on the same floor, and indeed on the same passage. The best rooms were all on the left-hand side (going in), for these were the only ones to have windows, deep-set round windows looking over his garden and meadows beyond, sloping down to the river.

I walk up the stairs and follow muscle memory to his door. I open it without looking and walk in.

This hobbit was a very well-to-do hobbit, and his name was Baggins. The Bagginses had lived in the neighbourhood of The Hill for time out of mind, and people considered them very respectable, not only because most of them were rich, but also because they never had any adventures or did anything unexpected: you could tell what a Baggins would say on any question without the bother of asking him. This is a story of how a Baggins had an adventure, found himself doing and saying things altogether unexpected. He may have lost the neighbours' respect, but he gained-well, you will see whether he gained anything in the end.

I smack right into a hard wall where the coffee machine should be. Finally I tear my eyes from the book and look up. I'm not in Coulsons office. Now I'm in a storage locker. Ironmans I think. Each Avenger has their own storage locker at all the major SHIELD facilities. Robots litter the place and the thing I smacked into was Ironman himself. Well not Tony but his suit.

"Oh my gosh Allie get it together" I murmur to myself and shut my book. shaking my head I turn on my heel and start to stroll put of the storage locker.

"Don't leave so soon" Tony says and I freeze.

"What?!?" I screech and turn around. The Ironman suit surges forward and grabs me before I can even run. Tony stands beside is smirking evily. "SURPRISE ADOPTION!"

"Stay calm Miss Aster I assure you Sir and his friends have the best intentions" the suit assures and lifts me up over its shoulder.

"TONY YOU FUCKER!" I yell and bang my hands on the metal back of the suit.

"Calm down Allie like Jarvis said we have the best intentions" Tony reassures and pats my shoulder.

"Tony why are you doing this?!? Jarvis put me down!" I demand.

"Sir told me to ignore all of your orders" Jarvis informs.

"Right I did Jarvis now let's go" Tony says and leads his robot out of the storage locker and through the Triskellion. No one stares so I wonder if this was a preemptive plan..

"I hate you."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was taken to Stark Tower, well Avengers tower now, and dropped in a common room. Looking around I see a lot of bags and boxes labeled "Allies stuff."

"What is this? Why did you kidnap me? Why do you have my stuff?" I snap and hop to my feet. Natasha and Darcy walk up hand in hand smiling.

"We want you to stay here with us now" Natasha explains.

"Why? Look I'm sorry I flirted with the both of you but this is going off ad for a prank" I apologize and try to walk past then only to be stopped by their arms.

"This isn't a prank Allie" Darcy says.

"We really want you to stay with us. To date us" Natasha adds.

"Why I'm nothing special?" I ask.

"Because you are special to us. We want you this is us asking you to join our relationship" Darcy says slowly and cups my cheek.

"Really?"

"Yes" the both reply in unison.

"How can I say no to that?"

"Yay" Darcy squeals and kisses me. Sparks fly through my brain and I absolutely melt. Soon Darcy pulls away and Natasha kisses me. It's a fierce determined kissed. Butterflies go off crazily in my stomach and I can feel my whole body heat up.

"Wow" I breath fluttering my eye lids.

"So you're up to being with the both of us?" Natasha inquires.

"Yes yes hell yes" I repeat.

"Really? I know we can be a bit much and we've only just started dating you" Darcy points out.

"Yeah well so what? You two live dangerous lives and now I do by association so what have we got to lose. We could die tomorrow. Although I hope we dont I want to at least experience domestic shot with you two" I counter.

"We do as well. That's why we planned this."

"Planned this was a plan? Wait how long have you been planning this?"

"Well I started falling for you three months ago. I felt guilty because Tasha and I were dating so naturally I talked to her. As it turns out we're both polysexual. So I told her all about you and she wanted to meet you desperately. That's why she was squinting at you during the lunch where I introduced you to the Avengers, she wanted to see if you were a good person."

"Instead I ended up falling for you as well."

"So we both started wooing you. Then we had Stark kidnap you once we thought you warmed up to us" Darcy finishes clapping her hands.

"We love you" they say together.

"I guess I love the both of you too" I say and kiss them both on the cheeks. This is gonna be fun and probably so crazy. Darcys a slice of heaven all smiley and pretty. Natasha is a little slice of hell dangerous and deadly gorgeous. I guess I'm in the middle now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Alright I the the totals for the SHIELD wide game of MARRY FUCK KILL and not much time. Nick will be back any minute so her we go. Tony Stark has 1 marry, 0 fucks, and 450 kills. Thor has 100 marry, 301 fucks, and 49 kills. Bruce and or Hulk has 250 marry, 200 fucks, and 1 kill. Natasha has 100 marry, 300 fucks, and 51 kills. Clint has 0 marry, 351 fucks, and 100 kills. On a surprising note Allison Tan has 10 marry, 10 fucks and 10 kills. Also the infirmary is full so everyone be careful. Oh and I have 5 marry, 20 fucks, and 0 kills. Again the infirmary is full so be cautious people. Lastly Phil Coulson has 100 marry, 201 fucks, and 10o kills. Oh hey Nick!...No I'm not on the announcements..yes you were out down for fuck 50 times.....no you were never put down for kill....yes I'll get out of your office...."


End file.
